post puja blues

well its hit me. and hard. the post puja blues syndrome. happens to me every year but i get over it pretty quickly coz school starts and u hv way too much of stuff to do and no time to mope around. unfortunately this year its a completely different ball game. college is closed till the 15th and i have way too much of time on my hands. not a very good thing, i'm realizing now.

also, this year's puja has been quite eventful. not eventful in general, but eventful personally. not possible to disclose everything on a public forum but lets just say that i have a lot of thinking to do. also, some people are EXTREMELY weird but still......

anyway, thats way too much of a hint for somebody who has any clue about anything. this year, objectively speaking, the pujas have been excellent. i've had a brilliant time mostly. hung out with some new people, all of them quite interesting. and i mean that in a nice way, mostly. lol. but somehow, in hindsight, i wish i had done some things differently. also i did one extremely mean thing but, ironically i don't wish i had done that any differently. and that makes me feel like a major bitch.

alright enough of the vague crap i'm writing. i have a really bad tendency to do that. keep bullshtting about random vague stuff. bad habit. see there i go again. really have to stop doing it.

i'm feeling really low right now. writing, according to the 'experts', is supposed to be thereupatic. don't feel very 'thereupat-ised' right now. in fact, wrting all this shit is making me feel even worse than usual. but again, i don't want to stop coz then its again back to doing nothing. back to the self pity. this sounds really extreme, and yeah, it is extreme for post puja blues, but that isn't the only thing that's bothering me right now, not in the direct sense at least. to put it in a simpler way, i did something during the pujas that wasn't really a very smart thing to do, in hindsight(why do things become clearer only in hindsight??? fuck!!). i tried to put things right but..... unfortunately i must have screwed up way too much i guess.

and this frustration is the worst. the helplessness of my situation is getting to me. well ok, i could do a lot of things, but my bloody ego keeps on getting in the way.

leaving that aside, c.r.park is actually depressing now. after almost a month of revelry, which reached a peak these last four days, it looks ravaged, and dead. like somebody has sucked the life out of the place. its sad. or maybe i'm being morbid. yeah its probably me who is being macabre.

if ur still reading this, i've probably majorly depressed u. so let me stop doing that, and let me go watch friends. yeah i know even that is gonna depress me majorly, with its sickly sweet camaderie(i don't really mean that....i adore friends...lol), but heck, i gotta do something.