Yes They ARE Extremely Valid Reasons, and other things.

I'm kinda pissed at myself for deleting that post of mine. wish i hadn't. so before anything else, if anyone knows how to retrieve deleted posts. do let me know.

anyway, let me explain the reasons behind changing the address of my blog. firstly, i was highly bored of the old one. it was staid, unimaginative and honestly speaking, quite juvenile.

secondly, i have a bit of a sadistic streak in me. quite evidently, the new link isn't exactly easy to spell. and neither does it roll off your tongue. honestly, it wasn't really a cakewalk locating my blog was it? yes, i know i'm weird, but this is how i get my kicks. humour me please.

thirdly, i really like the new name! i think it's waaaay cool.

and fourthly, i'm mildly schizophrenic......heh heh heh. no actually, as far as i know, i'm not really schizophrenic, but it's fun to pretend that i am. and the fact that i tend to space out at times(and i mean really space out....i'm pretty much oblivious to everything around me...i've learnt to do it at will now, but earlier it was involuntary, which was quite creepy, to say the least) does help.

also, it's a brilliant way to catch someone's attention and keep holding it for quite a while. try it sometime. next time you meet somebody new, after a few minutes, tell them, "hey you want to hear something interesting? i'm mildly schizophrenic[or manic-depressive or obsessive-compulsive or neurotic or suffer from split-personality disorder(this is my favorite one but the thought of actually saying it kinda worries me) or whatever catches your fancy]." you'll get to see some ve-ry interesting expressions.

for the record, yes i do tell people that i'm mildly schizophrenic. but only when i'm bored out of my mind or when i want to catch their attention.

damn, the stories are piling up. need to put them up. but they require more effort than random entries. intrinsic laziness and a wonderful knack for procrastinating keeps me from writing those. get the awful feeling that they might not be posted till may, since i have exams in april. will try my hardest to put up at least one in march......

looking forward to this weekend big time. sunday is holi! couldn't play holi last year coz of the f*&%$#@ boards. so this year i am very very excited. was feeling a bit under the weather last night; same old reason. guess it's going to take a while for me to be completely fine. my annoying memory keeps me from getting over the whole thing. every single thing reminds me of something or the other. wish i could stop myself from thinking. anyway, didn't mean to digress. my point is, i'm looking forward to holi for this reason also. it's bound to get my mind off things. and the bhaang will go a long way in doing just that....hehehe.

anyway, i'm off, need to do some studying. which reminds me, i seem to have lost the ability to study! i just cannot seem to concentrate anymore. i'm going to get very badly screwed if this state of affairs continues.

i really need to do something about my amazing bullshitting capabilities. alright, i'm going to stop. until next time, goodbye.

Hello There!

pretty short hiatus, don't u think? i'm glad though, glad that i bounced back pretty quick. i'm not absolutely fine really, but hey, i'm doing pretty well i think, considering that it's been only a few days. this is going to be extremely short, because the entire purpose of this is basically to let people know that i'm okay. hehe.

the last entry was terribly terribly melodramatic i realized, when i read it again. and i made out things to be worse than they actually are. things seemed awfully bad then, but in hindsight they weren't really that bad. the fact that things were so unexpected was probably what made it so hard to deal with. anyway, basically, the fact of the matter is that i'm okay.

also, another thing is that when people are not feeling too happy, they tend to blow things out of proportion, which somehow makes them feel better. actually i don't really know about people but that's what i do. lol. and that is exactly what i did. exaggeration is seriously therapeutic, honest!

slight bit of introspection. till now, i always thought that ambiguity is something which is reason enough to not rush into things. and that unless you are absolutely clear about your state of affairs, it isn't exactly a good idea to take decisions, especially reasonably important ones. was i being too idealistic? maybe things don't work like that in real life. maybe things are never completey clear cut, there's always some amount of ambiguity. i don't know.......

anyway, this was supposed to be short; didn't work out too well now did it? the indefatigable gift of gab i guess. lol anyway, i'm done for now, will stop chattering. until next time, goodbye!

Of Life, In No Uncertain Terms

first of all, yes i did delete the last post and no, you are not suffering from delusions. i am not upto explaining, especially on a public forum, but let's just say that sometimes in life, things don't work our the way you want them to. or even the way you expect them to.

i'm having a pretty hard time right now, and well, i need to deal with it. i'll be fine in a few days i guess(and hope). the only thing that is bothering me is this. call it naivete, but i'm a person who tends to take things at face value. and this is going to sound extremely funny, but i have(or used to have) faith in the essential goodness of people. and i thought that anything else was an exception rather than the norm. guess i was quite wrong. coming to what's bothering me, i've just lost that faith. i've become so extremey skeptical of people.

i've always been a very cynical person; but my cynicism had more to do with circumstances. i always thought that circumstances make people do what they do, but at the end of the day, most people are intrinsically good. or at least, people my age.

also, i thought that most of the times, what you see is what you get. i just can't believe that anymore. in fact(and i feel terrible about this) when people are being nice to me, i keep thinking about how they probably have ulterior motives. and that makes me feel so sick. but i don't know how else to think.

this is because i can't deal with this kind of a situation again. it was awful, and totally unexpected. and i don't think i deserve it. so, i don't know, as a defence mechanism i guess, i've just got to be highly skeptical of people.

i'm not playing the blame game and blaming anybody, because people have extremely valid reasons for doing what they do, and what happened was for the best. i'm really glad things turned out the way they did, and relieved that things ended where they did. i'm honestly glad about what happened. but i can't help thinking, if only i hadn't taken things at face value, none of this would've ever happened. and that thought kills me. and i'm helpless.

anyway, i've tried explaining as best as i could. don't know if that made much sense, or whether it made too much sense and everything is very obvious. and honestly speaking, at this point of time, i'm too tired to care very much. i probably sound terribly melodramatic, and you're probably thinking how i'm making such a big deal of nothing, and that stuff like this happens to everybody. yes i agree, but this was a first for me, and i needed to rant a little bit. also, the whole thing has left me terribly disillusioned, so it'll take time for me to come to terms with that.

i won't be blogging for a while, because i'm just not upto it. might be a few weeks before my next post. try not to miss me too much. lol. only a short hiatus, i promise.