Abstract

am writing this post in a hurry because i don't have much time right now. but i really wanted to post this one today.

i am feeling completely confused. and not too happy. i like to keep things as uncomplicated as possible. but today some seemingly simple things managed to get terrifically complicated. and it does not please me.

also i like to keep some things unspoken. in the abstract. makes life a whole lot easier. but today a bunch of stuff was put on the table, stuff which i would have liked to not think about. or put into words.

and once things are said, they can't be unsaid again. they are out there. they can never be taken back and one can never pretend that they weren't said ever. once they have been brought into conscious thought, they can never be pushed back into the subconcious. and there are some things that i would have preferred to have left in the confines of my subconscious, at least for the time being. but i have been forced to prematurely recognise those things, and accept them as a part of my conscious, thinking mind.

now things have changed; maybe minutely, but the point is that they have. and i can never go back to being where i was before the whole thing happened. and that does not make me feel too good.

Collected Short Stories by MeMyself_n_I : Part III

Story 4 : the one where i'm 'his love'

aah i love this one. as you shall soon see why.

i had gone to a parikrama gig at lsr a couple of weeks ago(for the record, i 've given up trying to do this chronologically). technically, it was a silk route plus parikrama gig, but silk route doesn't count(and they proved my point by boring people into their graves....except for a bunch of girls next to us who were getting veritably orgasmic...i swear). anyway, let's not digress.

parikrama's guitarist, saurabh chaudhry, is supposed to be quite the hottie, and a favorite with girls in the audience. and yeah, he is quite cute, and all the girls went completely crazy screaming for him when he came on stage. including *ahem* me. but then...i saw...a vision....in torn jeans and a PETA(why) t-shirt. he was hotness at its best. it was nitin, parikrama's lead singer.

i pointed him out to my friends, but they were too busy trying to attract saurabh's attention. then, nitin opened his mouth. and all the girls went, whoaaaaaa.
his voice is like a caress, honestly. i know you're laughing, but i swear!

then nitin started singing. with his voice and saurav's guitaring, the evening was getting very very heady. they did a few songs, amidst screeches of 'saurav saurav' and 'nitin nitin'. then there was a little pause between songs. i was screaming nitin's name along with everyone else but somehow, right then nobody else screamed. so suddenly, it's just my voice! a loud 'NITIIIIIN' rang out, in my voice.

i was about to do my imitation of "hey which idiot did that?" when i heard nitin's voice say, "yes love?". damn, i almost passed out from shock and ecstasy.

well even if it had been just that, i would still be floating around on air. but that night, god had more in store for me. hah!

welll my friends and i were in full form and we were really letting our vocal chords run amok while nitin did a couple more songs. then, before doing the next song, he pointed at us and said, "the next song goes out to those lovely ladies". and he sang 'sweet child o' mine' for us!

evidently, i had a brilliant evening and went home with a huge grin on my face. and narrated my exploits to everyone who was either patient enough or bored enough for the next one week.

footnote : i looked up nitin's email id on parikrama's website and sent him an email. and was very very pleasantly surprised to receive a reply. am contemplating sending another mail. and in case you're wondering, yes i AM slightly weird.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm kinda tired of doing the stories, so i'm giving the whole thing a break for a bit. so it's back to my random scrawls for a while.
also, something i've been meaning to mention for a long time. i have deleted all of BK's messages. well, except for one, which i couldn't bring myself to delete, because it is so extremely sweet.(if u don't follow my blog this wouldn't have made much sense to you. go to 'message fetish' for enlightenment)

also, a BIG thanks to all the readers. i had a lovely time reading all the comments. Collected Short Stories will be back!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEW BULLETIN : was checking my mail right now and i have a mail from saurabh also!!! i had written in my mail to nitin that i really liked saurabh's satriani solo. and he has actually sent me a thank u mail!! damn thse guys are polite. i'm putting up the letters also now.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this one's from nitin.

Hey Tania, dont know when you wrote this mail but i just got back in from out of town like right noe and i have at least a couple of hours before rushing off to the studio for a recording.. well thanx for such a sweet mail,,,,,,,,,,,and yes i remember someone screamin out my name to which i replied "yes love".............
You have a lot of nice things to say about us,, you're very kind and your compliments are really appreciated..
take care and may god bless us all
love
N.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this one's from saurabh.

Hi Tania,

thanx a lot for complimenting 'summer song'. i wish we guys cud hav played the entire solo, but there a technical snag... :(
better luck next time...
regards,
Saurabh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Collected Short Stories by MeMyself_n_I : Part II

Story 2 : the one with my 'twin soul'

this one is slightly weird, and u might not even find it funny, because it is somewhat of an inside joke between me and my friends. but here goes nothing. also it's not a story in the true sense of the word so....

one day, about a month after college had started, i got up on the bus and saw an exact replica of myself sitting on the seat in front of me. the same wavy, slightly messy hair, the same black t-shirt, same black belt, the same loose blue jeans and pretty much the same height. i was like, "jesus christ, she looks EXACTLY like me!!"

i was thinking to myself, "man how can somebody look so similar?". right then she turned around and i saw that it wasn't a 'she' at all; it was a guy!!!

the whole thing made me awfully sad, and i never got to hear the end of it from my friends. still constantly hear extremely lame jokes about my 'twin soul'.

for the record, now i know the guy personally, which makes the whole thing damn funny somehow.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


story 3: the one where i screw up!!

i had planned to not do this(interrupt my chronological collection of short stories, that is) but as if plans ever work out!

before going ahead i would like to formally anounce that i am a DUMBASS. okay, i can proceed now.

yesterday, while coming back from college, these 2 extremely cute guys got on my bus. i was surreptitiously checking then out, and thinking to myself, "why don't i ever get to meet guys like these?'. their brilliant english and their highly intellectual, and at the same time extremely witty conversation only served to add to their attractiveness-quotient. they were standing, and when the seat next to mine was vacated, one of them sat there.

that cheered me up enormously, and i couldn't pay too much of attention to the book i was reading(catcher in the rye, for the record). after a while i gave up trying to read and closed it(that shows my level of distraction, coz this book is one my favorites, and i can read it a million times).

okay, now comes the best bit.

Cute Guy - hey, i had made a bet with myself. are u doing history?
Me - no, i'm doing eco.
CG - oh ok.
Me - why did u think that? do u know somebody who looks like me who's doing history?
CG - no i thought english honours would be too obvious, that's why i said history. (!!! now that's a pickup line if i've ever heard one!!!)
Me - oh ok. well it's one of my favorite books.

and then i just stopped talking! i stopped talking!! a few minutes later my stop came and i climbed down and the guy went out of my life forever. :-(

stories are not really supposed to have an analysis in the end, but hey, this is my blog so i can do whatever i want! my point is, till now i had been cribbing about how circumstances are always against me and how things are "spiralling out of my control" and basically making a lot of melodramatic statements. and now, when circumstances were perfect, and things were completely in my control, i manage to completely screw things up. at the risk of sounding terribly terribly melodramatic(yet again), fate finally paves a way for me and i turn around and walk the other way!

footnote : this is highly embarrasing but i'll still say it(as a lesson to me and also for another reason, which u shall soon see). today i actually caught the same bus(the 4 o'clock one) in the hopes of meeting the guy again! talk about wishful thinking.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay this is a terribly lame thing to do but my friends have talked me into it.
if the aforementioned guy, by any chance, comes accross this blog, then, "hi, i'd like to tell u that i'm not an arrogant bitch. and that it would be nice if u were still interested in continuing that conversation....."

phew, that's done! never done a dumber thing than that.

(also now u know the 2nd reason behind the footnote)

Collected Short Stories By MeMyself_n_I : Part I

ok the title is a somewhat of a misnomer. they aren't really 'story' stories. they're just incidents which struck me as extremely funny or are somehow significant to me(however insignificant they may seem to u). for want of a better way, i'll go chronologically.

Story 1 : the one with the same phones

alrite this one kinda makes me feel bad but nonetheless its quite funny, albeit in a slightly sadistic way. heh heh.

i had gone to my father's friend's place for dinner once. they're a lovely family. they have 2 kids, one daughter and one son(of my age incidentally). after dinner was over, the kids n the dads sat down to watch 'munnabhai lageraho' while the moms chatted. since i had already seen the movie(and did not like it enough to sit through it a second time) i decided to call a friend. now, as every teenager knows, calling from ur cellphone is not the smartest thing to do(given that prepaid connections have an awfully irritating feature called low balance). so i took my mom's phone and made the call from that(somehow she's cool about that...one of the few things that i do she's cool with...lol).

spoke to my friend for about 50 minutes, give or take a few, and then, feeling chirpier, went inside to sit with everyone(and maybe flirt with the guy a little...lol). when we were leaving, i handed my mom's phone to her. she was like, "that's not my phone. i have it with me". i was like, "holy shit!! who's phone did i just use???"

then the son comes, and says, "i think that's my phone" and i'm thinking, "oh noooo.....". aloud i said, "uhh i think i made a call from your phone." and he very sweetly said, "that's okay", not knowing that i had spent the better part of an hour frittering away his balance(i think his was postpaid though, which somehow makes the whole thing worse).

i went home feeling like a mean bitch. and was made to feel worse by a friend who said i should have told him about it, and offered to treat him or something in return. he must have got a HUGE shock at the end of the month when the bills came. shit!


P.S.- stay tuned for Collected Short Stories By MeMyself_n_I : Part II

A Rush Of Blood To The Head

feeling majorly fucked up. god help me.

uncanny

took this personality test on the net a couple of days ago. thought it would be like the usual test with some general result which can apply to almost anybody. was pleasantly surprised.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

they managed to get quite of bit of things right.

other than my 'agreeableness' that is. they screwed that up completely. the bit about being willing to compromise with anybody; that's the complete opposite of what i am. compromising is not a word which can be associated with me.

they got my 'conscientiousness' and 'neuroticism' quite quite accurate. i was pretty majorly impressed. the 'openness to experience' was a bit overdone though i thought. i'm not THAT open to experiences, but yeah, they managed to get the gist right. the "extroversion' again was a little extreme. but again, the basic idea was correct.

so on the whole, a pretty smart test. i would recommend it, for the sole reason that it may turn out to be uncannily accurate.

message fetish??

i have this strange thing about deleting SMSs. i just can't seem to delete them! and i don't mean forwards. i can't bring myself to delete conversations. at present my inbox has precisely 7 forwards. the rest of my 110 message capacity is taken up by conversations. and that too, mostly conversations with 2 people in particular.

let us call one of the persons HS. i don't keep HS's messages for sentimental reasons. the thing is, HS has a really funny way of messaging. i mean, they're SERIOUSLY funny. and arpita does a really cool job of reading them out. lol. and well, i keep HS's SMSs because they cheer me up. keep messaging HS!!!!

let's call the other person BK. somehow, i can't exactly explain why i have kept BK's messages. i mean, presently i'm not too fond of the person. well ok, at one point of time i was inordinately fond of BK. lol. but no, that isn't exactly why i keep the messages. i haven't kept the later messages, the ones sent after and immediately before what i shall refer to as 'the incident'. 'the incident' was, i think, a turning point in our acquaintance. can't call it friendship or something like that coz it never reached there. after 'the incident' things kinda got fucked-up. and after a while, we completely stopped all forms of communication. which is kind of sad, coz we got along extremely well, at least in my opinion. hehe. anyway, i think that's way too much of info. i digress way more than necessary. and also, right now talking about the person is majorly depressing me. so i have lost all interest in completing this entry. but heck, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. lol.

yeah, coming back to the point, BK's messages make me feel kinda happy. because they were extremely nice messages. and some pretty flattering stuff. lol. during the period we got along, we REALLY GOT ALONG, if u know what i mean........

anyway, that's that. hopefully the people i've written about won't check out my blog. coz i'm thinking, maybe i've made things a little too obvious. but heck, i really don't think i care too much. and sometimes, u gotta throw caution to the wind; excuse the melodrama.

ramblings of an empty mind

first of all, a word for satan truimphs. thanks, i think i majorly needed that. refuse to be self-depreciating ever again.

hmm, well college is off for a week. its lovely to have ur hols extended without any prior notice. suddenly, u get to know that u can sleep till eleven for a week longer. aah, bliss. why does sleeping till late, actually the thought of sleeping till late, feel so wonderful? it makes me feel so happy. lol.

thank god diwali is finally here. i somehow love festivals. they make me feel extremely cheerful. and, i hate saying this, chirpy. hehe. the whole concept of festivals makes me all warm and fuzzy. and i'm not really a very warm and fuzzy person most of the time. in fact i'm quite the antithesis of warm and fuzzy.

i seem to have started binge-eating these days. the thing is, i have been getting up EXTREMELY late these days. so there is no way i can eat breakfast. i only have 2 meals during the day. since i'm usually up till late(either on the phone or reading or watching tv) i get MAJOR hunger pangs at around 1:30-2ish. and then i NEED to eat something. end up raiding the fridge. think i'm gonna put on a hell lot of weight if the hols get extended again. coz i don't really eat healthy stuff in the middle of the night. its pepsi, chocolates, pepsi, chips, pepsi, cookies....did i mention pepsi?

ok, this is like a really bad thing to say, very superficial, but i don't wanna get fat! it is like the last thing i would ever want to be. alright, from tomorrow onwards, no sleeping after ten, and eating a proper breakfast and going to sleep by 12:30. am laughing at myself right now coz i actually believed for a moment that i'm gonna start doing that from tomorrow. hehehehehehehe.

feeling slightly sleepy right now so i'm gonna go make myself some coffee(if i sleep now there is no way i'm gonna fall asleep before 4 tonight...given the fact that i got up at 11:30). u go do something more productive than reading my blog.

adios.

mortification

was going through some of my earlier bogs. ang god, a couple of them actually made me cringe. i'm not saying my writing skills are absolutely brilliant or anything but, christ, there is a limit upto which u can write cliched crap. i cannot believe that i had actually posted all that banal shit. ok all this sounds terribly immodest but hell that stuff is positively mortifying. if somebody ever aked me whether i wrote those things i would be majorly ashamed to admit it.

i don't claim to write brilliantly witty or wonderfully insightful stuff. but heck, i at least don't write pretentious shit. and somehow that is what i seem to have done with some of my earleir entries. if u hve gone through most of my blogs, u'll totally get what i'm saying here.

ok, at the cost of sounding extremly vain, i really can't believe i actually wrote those entries. it is just not me to write things like that. wonder what had got into me? what could have made me churn out all that pseudo-intellectual bullshit?

hmm this is getting terribly boring. really shouldn't bore u with my indignant analysis of my own writing talents. but yeah, if this makes u want to read the earlier stuff which i've written, one earnest request; don't judge me by those entries!

hindsight.......

hols hv been good. through all the cribbing and the (pretensions of) depression, they've been good. the prospect of going back to college does not make me too happy. the thing is, i have a theory to test whether u're having fun or not. if time slips by really quickly then hell yes u've been having fun, whether u admit it or not. and if the days seem to last years then ok, u arent exactly living it up. haha. anyway, coming back to the point, the last month has passed by really REALLY quickly. its pretty much been a blur. and a very nice, happy blur. in hindsight of course. lol.

lots of things happened, funny things, sweet things, slightly sad things also. but, in hindsight(uff, that word again. note to self : desperately need to improve writing skills), all those things were fun, and well, happy. even the sad things; in a weird, twisted way. lol.

don't have very high expectations from the coming month. get the awful feeling that it's gonna suck pretty badly. don't know why. maybe i'm wrong. in fact, quite possibly i am wrong. i'm just a little weird about these things.

last few weeks i've also realized how much i love my friends. and how fucking much i need them around. love u guys. i refuse to elaborate on this point because....well, i just do.

a point i'd like to make. some ppl are such bloody morons. they like to screw up life even when things are going perfectly smoothly. i am not hinting at anyone in particular right now, but its the truth. yeah even i do it sometimes(did something like that a couple of weeks back....fuck), but i don't do it as often as other people seem to. grow up people, things don't last long enough for u to sulk. sulking is a complete fucking waste of time. not only does it make u feel really wasted, it serves absolutely no fucking purpose. if u wanna show how pissed u are, scream. it'll do u more good(as in, make u feel better) and get ur point across. sulking HARDLY EVER gets ur point across.

i'm wondering why i digress so much. can't stick to one subject for too long. makes my head spin as much as urs. but its a failing which i have, which u have to bear if u read my blog(i'm being awfully presumptious here). but don't u think its kind of fun?makes ur brain sharper, doesn't it? c'mon admit it. alright enough of pissing u off. i tend to talk crap sometimes, when i run out of stuff to talk about. u would have noticed that, if u've read my earlier blogs(and if u haven't, well what the hell are u bloody waiting for???!!!).

so let me stop pissing u off, and go watch tv.

P.S.-this blog almost didn't get published on time thanks to my procrastinating talents(more on that later, it warrants an entire blog entry). publishing this after college started would have kinda defeated the whole purpose of this entry. a vote of thanks to my boredom and my temporary insomnia.

interesting......

a friend of mine said something very curious about my blog. she said it was extremely depressing. went through my stuff and realized that i tend to write when i'm low. so most of my blogs come out very melancholy and some quite morbid. it doesn't really help me get over me'depression' but it gives me something to do other than brood.

feeling extremely sleepy. was planning to write a longer blog but i can barely keep my eyes open and i wanna publish this blog right now. so let me leave the rest of my ramblings for the next blog and bid u goodbye for now dear reader.

adios!

just one line

a blog of mine is in its draft stage. just a little bit left. but had to update ppl(who ppl i don't really know....not too many people's lives depend on my blog...lol) who kinda read my blog. my depression has pretty much lifted and i'm back to my (almost) normal self....yayyy!

post puja blues

well its hit me. and hard. the post puja blues syndrome. happens to me every year but i get over it pretty quickly coz school starts and u hv way too much of stuff to do and no time to mope around. unfortunately this year its a completely different ball game. college is closed till the 15th and i have way too much of time on my hands. not a very good thing, i'm realizing now.

also, this year's puja has been quite eventful. not eventful in general, but eventful personally. not possible to disclose everything on a public forum but lets just say that i have a lot of thinking to do. also, some people are EXTREMELY weird but still......

anyway, thats way too much of a hint for somebody who has any clue about anything. this year, objectively speaking, the pujas have been excellent. i've had a brilliant time mostly. hung out with some new people, all of them quite interesting. and i mean that in a nice way, mostly. lol. but somehow, in hindsight, i wish i had done some things differently. also i did one extremely mean thing but, ironically i don't wish i had done that any differently. and that makes me feel like a major bitch.

alright enough of the vague crap i'm writing. i have a really bad tendency to do that. keep bullshtting about random vague stuff. bad habit. see there i go again. really have to stop doing it.

i'm feeling really low right now. writing, according to the 'experts', is supposed to be thereupatic. don't feel very 'thereupat-ised' right now. in fact, wrting all this shit is making me feel even worse than usual. but again, i don't want to stop coz then its again back to doing nothing. back to the self pity. this sounds really extreme, and yeah, it is extreme for post puja blues, but that isn't the only thing that's bothering me right now, not in the direct sense at least. to put it in a simpler way, i did something during the pujas that wasn't really a very smart thing to do, in hindsight(why do things become clearer only in hindsight??? fuck!!). i tried to put things right but..... unfortunately i must have screwed up way too much i guess.

and this frustration is the worst. the helplessness of my situation is getting to me. well ok, i could do a lot of things, but my bloody ego keeps on getting in the way.

leaving that aside, c.r.park is actually depressing now. after almost a month of revelry, which reached a peak these last four days, it looks ravaged, and dead. like somebody has sucked the life out of the place. its sad. or maybe i'm being morbid. yeah its probably me who is being macabre.

if ur still reading this, i've probably majorly depressed u. so let me stop doing that, and let me go watch friends. yeah i know even that is gonna depress me majorly, with its sickly sweet camaderie(i don't really mean that....i adore friends...lol), but heck, i gotta do something.

'neath the starry sky....

was my bday on thursday. lovely birthday this year. wasn't too happy till a week back coz the idea of turning 18 didn't appeal much to me. also was slightly insecure about my friends. glad my insecurities were put to rest on my birthday. love those guys so much. really made my birthday special.

went to iit that evening. it was terrific, not so much because of the function(which was pretty good too) but because of the company and the general ambience of the place. absolutely adore the iit campus. and their open air audi is so amazing. sitting there, underneath the starlit sky.....brilliant.

went to rendevous on sunday also. that was the 'big day', the day of the rock show. the whole of the student population of delhi pleads to get passes to the 'rock show of the iit fest' . we were part of the few 'lucky' ones who managed to get the coveted passes(thanks to some great friends of mine who go to iit...lol). had a pretty cool time. coudn't go to the rdx(the famous poolside party) coz by the time we got slightly tired of the rock show, entry into the rdx had closed. didn't bug us too much, coz by then we were loving the whole thing is totality, the music, the cool breeze, the stars shining above, the fireworks(those happened in the end).....it was pretty cool. also, how could i forget, some REALLY cute guys! lol.

what a killer combination naa? good looking and iitian.

came back to earth when i reached home at 11. had 2 bloody tests the next day. was gonna get completely screwed but wasn't too worried coz chandni n hansika were gonna get fucked with me(they were stayin over and they hadnt studied anything either).

went to college today, got majorly fucked in poe but did surprisingly well in mme. quite proud of myself.

at home now, blogging coz i have nothing better to do. should stop now coz i've run out of things to say and am gonna start writing crap any moment now. alrite, it has already begun.

until next time, adios.

memories

am feeling slightly blue this morning. missing a friend of mine who's gone away to, well, a 'place of no return'. hehehe. by that i mean the big U.S. of A. most people are lying when they say that they'll come back from the US. because most people can't come back from 'the land of opportunity'. especially back to a country like india, where u have to fight for every bit of ur share of ur rights.

this friend was a really good friend of mine. don't know if i can call him one of my closest friends so let's leave it at that, a really good friend. i used to get along so brilliantly with him. he was the person with whom i used to talk about the silliest things in the world. miss all the crazy conversations we used to have. maybe its just me but i got the feeling that he sort of drifted away a little bit right before he left. don't know whether it was concious or..i don't know....it doesn't even matter.

i remember feeling quite disoriented for a period of time right before college. everything was different. things weren't in my control anymore. life was, in a sense, 'spiralling out of control'. that sounds terribly melodramatic, but that was the way i felt then.

i don't feel the same any longer. but things are different. i'm no longer in that coccoon of security i was in a couple of months back. back then, i had a terrific percentage, had got admission in one of the best colleges in the country, was going out with my friends every day. now, my percentage is pretty much immaterial, college is screwing me bad(partially my fault coz i'm not studying), and my friends arent with me anymore(i'm talking strictly in the phyiscal sense, that they arent around everyday).

yeah i know i know this is a phase. i'm gonna make friends in collge, i'll get used to studying blah blah blah. but it won't be the same. its like stepping into someone else's life, and starting again from scratch. and that is the part which is the most discomfitting. the fact that my life till two months back will have no connection whatsoever with my new life. and also terribly sad.

High on Floyd

was listening to floyd sometime ago. realized their lyrics r SO much better than all the usual philosophical crap u hear everywhere. i mean, they make way more sense that all the philosophical crap that' thrown around. they are so completely uncomplicated yet so open to individual interpretation that its amazing. everybody has his own explaination of a floyd song.

was listening to a song called 'time' (relatively unknown song from their album - dark side of the moon) and man, the lyrics are f***ing brilliant.

so u run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
rcing around to come up behind u again.
the sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

this is a bit of it, the bit which i like the best. i love what the guy(roger waters has written this one i think) is saying here. he makes his point so completely yet so subtly. but maybe i like it because these 4 lines r the story of my life. that is what is happening to me. every day i wake up, and do nothing worthwhile. every day i tell myself i should do something so that don't regret wasting away my life later on, but i'm just too f***ing lazy to do anything about it. every day its the same thing. i get up, go to college, come back and go to sleep. i'm fucking wasting away my life.

enough of the digression. coming back to floyd, one of my favourite pink floyd songs
is 'brain damage'. i don't know why i like it so much. again, i think its the lyrics which make me like the song so much.

the bit where it goes like,

You lock the door
u throw away the key
there's someone in my head but its not me

i mean, wow! bloody brilliant man. i love the concept of this song. how its about getting completely fucked because everything around u is fucked up too.

and then there is one of their most famous songs 'wish u were here'. its actually written about one band member who had to quit coz of his excessive drug addiction (in fact the whole album is pretty much about him). but personally (and i'm being slightly pompous here in assuming that my personal opinion counts but...hey, its my blog) i really like the underlying sarcasm in the song. of course, that's what i feel. it is quite probable that roger waters isn't being sarcastic at all. but i like to believe that he is.

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

if ur still reading this (quite possibly u got bored midway) then u might have got the impression that pink floyd is all about the lyrics. but that is absolutely not true. it is only one facet of their songs. but one which makes their songs so heady(they actually give me a high...lol).

laziness

i know i know i've been terribly lazy. haven't been blogging at all. the thing is, nothin of much importance(or interest) has been happening, unless u count the college elections. which was sad anyway coz nsui won. yeah i know its a bad idea to air my political leanings on a public forum but i really don't care too much. anyway, the thing is i'm rambling now, but that's because i don't have anything interesting to talk about.

i can talk about my sad sad love life but...right now...i'm not really in the mood. or i could talk about how today is the anniversary of one of the cruelest acts of hatred in recent times but...again...that is not really a very nice thing to talk about. the shadow of 9/11 is on us year round anyway without me adding to the general noise.

hmm, seeing that i have nothing worthwhile to say today i better cut the crap and go away.

so until next time people.

"happy days"

well life is going to get absolutely terrific starting from today.....2 reasons:-

1) the durga puja programmes start from today
2) my bday is 19 days away

feeling a lot happier than i've felt in a long time. that may also b because college has gotten to b quite a lot of fun these days. thank god it has.

don't know why, but the durga puja is our(read bengalis) biggest event of the year. we look forward to it every year with bated breath and as soon as it gets over we start planning for next year. its almost as if everything we do revolves around one single occasion. strange, if u think about it.......

my love life (finally) seems to b looking up. let me not say too much right now (don't want to jinx it) but at least there is hope....lol.

updats will b posted as and when required.

sad

i was suppossed to go to dehradun to visit my little sisters and i cant go now bcoz i've fallen ill. quite sad bcoz i was really looking forward to it. always have the worst luck.

and the worst thing is that since i'll b at home i'll b expected to study for these 2 days. especally since i specifically told my parents i'm gonna start studying as soon as i get a couple of days off from college to clear the backlog.....remind me to never make statements like that.

the "buddy factor"

as arpita has quite rightly pointed out, the 'buddy factor" is causing a major hindrance in my love life. if anybody has any ideas about gettin rid of this "buddy factor" please let me know.